I posted this on the T3 forum this morning and thought I'd copy and paste for reflection:
Does anyone that did CdA have wierd negative feelings going on?? I feel like I can't get rid of the mental demons yet. Yes, I'm very proud and excited that I finished my first Ironman, but when everyone congratulates and tells me how much of an inspiration I am, I can only think of how unprepared I felt on Sunday. I know the weather sucked as much as it could possibly suck and I am grateful for pushing through it. But never in the 6 months of training, did I think I was going to have the looming fear of fighting for every ounce to not get booted from the course. From the first loop of the bike, I was in fear of not making it, and as much as I tried I'm pretty sure this took away from my experience, because I felt like I was fighting the entire time, to just make it to the next cutoff.
I see everyone excited about what's next, and I frankly can't muster up the want that everyone has. This isn't like me. I am always wanting to better my time. But for some reason, I don't with this.
Any feedback? I hate feeling this negative about something I should really be jumping for joy over. Is this normal? I feel like I'm still on a F-ing roller coaster.
I feel extremely negative about what I just accomplished. Wierd, huh? I talked to my cousin this morning on the way to work and at the end of the conversation, she said, "Wow, you sound really pessimistic about something so inspiring and awesome." That clicked with me. I know I should be on cloud nine, I know I should be gloating, but I can't keep thinking negative thoughts about my race. I know I should be proud because we did have teammates not finish and I sound ungrateful. Anyways.. just venting.
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
Triathlon PR's
Ironman - Coeur d'Alene, 6/21/09 - 16:25:45
Half Ironman - Galveston, 4/5/09 - 5:58:08
Half Ironman - Vineman, 7/30/06 - 8:02:29
Olympic - Cap Tex - 5/29/06- 3:17:06
Sprint - Danksin - 6/11/06 - 1:42:06
Half Ironman - Galveston, 4/5/09 - 5:58:08
Half Ironman - Vineman, 7/30/06 - 8:02:29
Olympic - Cap Tex - 5/29/06- 3:17:06
Sprint - Danksin - 6/11/06 - 1:42:06
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Marathon Times
- Austin 2/15/09 4:11:21
- California Int'l Marathon 12/7/08 4:05:35
- Austin 2/17/08 4:32:32
- Austin 2/18/07 5:20:04
- Austin 2/19/06 4:28:27
- San Diego 6/05/05 4:30:44
- Austin 2/13/05 4:55:39
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About Me
- Priscilla
- I needed a blog to keep me busy and track my workouts! I started running about 4 years ago, but didn't get serious until about a year or two ago. I've run 4 marathons and completed several triathlons that range from the Sprint distance to the Half Ironman. I'm looking forward to training for a full in January 2009, already registered for Couer d'Alene 2009, and currently training with the best Austin Running group in town, Rogue!! Going to California to do some major PR'ing at the California International Marathon. Looking forward to making new friends and enjoying life!!!
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2 comments:
I don't think it's uncommon or strange. You know about post-event depression. There's probably an element of that. And now that the "holy crap I'm an Ironman!" rush has worn off, it's starting to hit you that, even though you're thrilled that you crossed the finish line, it wasn't the race you wanted. Even if we say we just want to finish before the cut-off, we all secretly have goals and expectations, and the weather didn't cooperate with you, so you had to make new goals and expectations, and there's nothing wrong with being both happy you finished and sad you didn't meet your initial goals. In some people, this means "Must go back next year and seek revenge." In some people it means they never want to do it again. Neither answer is wrong, and your answer could change in an hour.
What you did was amazing. Your funk does not negate that fact at all. :)
Priscilla...you have been training like crazy for a very long time. You need to take a serious break and consider what you will do next. Maybe you need to take several months with no serious training. Have fun, eat what you want, do stuff you haven't had the time or energy to do in ages.
After my first marathon where I reached my goal, I still felt in a major funk for about a week afterwards.
You did an awesome job at CdA - it's not how long it took but it's the fact that you recognized when things were not going according to plan and did something about it. You are an Ironman, through and through.
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