Caught in a rut

Time: 6:00pm
Location: ART on Anderson
People: Cookies - Dee, Lori, Linda and I
Weather: Chilly, but not cold
Comments: I had some car problems yesterday, so left work and went to pick up my car. The sweet boyfriend let me drive his big ole' Xterra, and I had forgotten my parking garage card, so I picked that up. I am proud to say I talked myself out of having the pay the $18 my parking garage charges, when parked all day, since I already pay an arm and a leg monthly. Whew!

I picked up my keys, and got to the workout pretty early, around 5:15 so went to the Weight Watchers meeting. My current goal weight is, what am I thinking... I'm not posting that! At my lightest, I was two pounds under. I have found over the months, I just don't have the discipline to stay there. I toggle back and forth like every woman does and have come to terms that unless I put in more hard work, I'm just not going to get those rock hard abs like Lori has :) I weighed in a 3 pounds over my goal weight. Not bad, but should probably lose a pound, maybe 1.5 by the marathon for my mental being. Thank goodness the team outfits are black, maybe they'll make me look 1.5 pounds lighter :)

The run started, and of course we were gabbing away. When we first started, I thought to myself... this is too slow, we need to pick it up. 10 seconds later, I was thinking, "Wow, this feels pushed." I kept up, but mostly ran the entire run about 5-10 feet behind them. I don't mind and have never minded being the caboose. Sometimes I enjoy it, cause it pushes me. This past week, it's starting to create some mental havoc and I need to figure out what the heck is going on. I stayed within range until we hit mile 5 and I gave up trying to push and tried to run what I felt was relaxed, but the slower I ran didn't seem to make it any easier.

My mind started racing. How in the world could I be on top of the world two weeks ago at IBM and now I'm struggling to do an easy run that I would have done in my sleep previously. I started doing a checklist of all the things I've changed. I'm not going to lie, but the getting back together with the boyfriend has been beyond wonderful, but I'm the first to admit, it's thrown me off my routine. Tonight for instance, I was exhausted when I got home and ended up falling asleep before 9. I probably should have stayed asleep, but I woke up briefly to make the daily, "How was your day, Dear?" phone call and now it's almost 11pm and I'm still awake.

So here's my list of things that I can think of that have slightly changed, that I might revert back to.

1) Addition of boyfriend - Catch 22 situation, but I need to make sure I don't hinder my sleep. I'm a sleeper. I need to not skip my usual naps and make sure I'm getting what I consider normal (friends might consider too much) sleep.

2) I quit journaling my food intake - I was doing so good at writing down EVERYTHING I ate for Meredith, and for some reason I got into the, "I know how to do this." mode and this week have caught myself eating a chocolate piece here, one there, instead of making the healthy decision. My nutrition could also be a source of my lack of energy.

3) I quit poker on Wednesday's to stay dedicated to the training - maybe I need to play more poker?? (Although, out of all of these, I doubt this is a cause, but it would be nice to think it was!)

I've been dying to go to Sisson's office hours the past two weeks, and now I need to make sure I go on Monday and if he's not having them on Monday, I need to be late or start my workout early on Tuesday to go. Two weeks of feeling like this, and it's starting to mess with me mentally. I can't possibly be breaking down a month away from the marathon I've put my heart and soul into. I need to figure it out NOW! Am I too tired, because I peaked at a stupid 10k?? Was I getting sick, and I fought it off, but I might still have some residuals?? Does it really take this long to recover when you push as hard as I pushed at IBM?? How in the hell do I get it back???

Tomorrow's workout on the track should be interesting.